Marinara lady.

I have a funny story to tell. At the time it was so not funny, but now looking back on it, it seriously makes me laugh. My father got divorced from his second wife in 2000, and being in his 50's and kinda going through a midlife crises, he started dating. ALOT! He was always on a new date with a new woman. And, even though I had my own bedroom in his condo I was never home. Except to shower and grab clothes.
So, one afternoon I call him, tell him Ill be over to his house around 4pm to pack, and I was going to Miami with my best friend for the weekend. He said "oh shit". And, I'm like what? Is this a bad time? He said no go on over, but I have a girlfriend there and she is cooking dinner for me, "Sarah, I like her, PLEASE be nice". But, of course. So, I get there, I never knocked, its kinda my place too, so I walked in. Now, when you walk in to the left is a HUGE big mirror. In front of it I see an attractive lady in her 30's holding a jar of tomato's and taking them out of the jar as if it was lotion and rubbing it all over her, While dancing with self in the mirror. So, immediately, I am like shit, what do I do? I can't startle her and walk in. So, I go back outside pretending to just get there and knock on the door. She answers (body completely red from tomato) and gives me a huge hug, she tells me she has heard so much about me, and we are going to become the best of friends. Um. yeah okay. I happen to glance at my kitchen and its a MESS! RED tomatoes everywhere. Whole tomatoes, on the floor, canned, cut up garlic, pots of water boiling. I am going to hurry up and get out of here. So, I excuse myself and go into my bedroom get a towel and clothes and go in the bathroom to take a shower. She begins banging as loud as she can on my door, please come out we need to talk.
Are you serious? WHAT do you need? She hands me this lotion from "suave" and tells me she wants me to have it. UM. gee thanks. I actually go to smell the lotion, and the bottle is full of TOMATOES! I swear! I never asked her what it was with the tomatoes, because it really just freaked me out. They stain and are VERY messy! So, I shower, get dressed pack my shit. I come back out, she is in the kitchen on the floor passed out covered in tomatoes. TOMATOES! I mean a lot. They are everywhere. Head to toe. AND, she is wear one of my dresses. So, at this point, with the pots still boiling, I call my father and tell him to get home NOW, PRONTO! I had to leave and couldn't leave her alone. My dad had to get all the carpets cleaned, and he spent hours cleaning that kitchen. I sure hope it was worth it.
A week later, my best friend and I were there and we went to pull the sofa couch out, and under it I found a huge container of old tomato sauce! DISGUSTING! I put it right on my dads desk.
My dad still to this day Deny's the whole story, (I think we was really embarrassed!)
I never did she her again, but that hour still haunts me. xoxo