Happy Mother's day, daddy!

So, I actually wrote this a few day's ago, but kind of took it down because it is a little personal, then I figured... FUCK... what the hell!!! This is my blog, and I need to be myself and be real. So, here I go.

Dear mother,
I do not know you. I have NOTHING of you in my memories. I know you have a picture of me in yours. A small little tiny baby, an infant, a creation of you. A beautiful daughter that you walked away from so that you could be a selfish bitch and go live a life with out me.
Yes, I know, (that did sound very bitter) but actually I want to thank you. You may have left me when I was just 6 months old, but you left me in the hand's of my daddy. He was the best father I could have ever asked for. My dad raised me the damn best he could, I was always's daddy's little princess. He told me all about you. He told me the good things which there really wasn't much except for the part where you give him a daughter, and he told me the bad, which I hated to believe. In fact I didn't. I wanted you to just be misunderstood. I wanted to think you were just young, and confused. I wanted to someday meet you.

When I turned 21, my boyfriend Josh wanted to find you. He wanted to give me a piece of my life that I alway's missed, and he did find you and handed me your phone number. I can remember our exact conversation.

A man answers: "Is Jean there?"
Man: Uh yes hold on.
...
...
EGGDONOR: Hello
ME: hello, did you have a daughter named Sarah?
EGGDONOR: YES!
ME: Well, this is her.
EGGDONOR: Oh, I figured one day you would find me.
ME: Ummm REALLY?
EGGDONOR: Yes, I figured you would someday want to find out who I am.
ME: Hey lady you left me, YOU should have looked for me. You had my phone number for the first 13 years of my life, you had my address. You knew my family's address' you knew where to find me. You knew there was a way to get a hold of me.
EGGDONOR: NO I figured your father moved you.
ME: Wait, was that even my job as a kid to find you? Shouldn't as a parent you seek out the kid's you abandoned?
EGGDONOR: Well, I moved on.
ME: "hung up"

... after a few minutes of a conversation that I wished never happened, I hung up and basically cried myself to sleep. My father always told me how horrible she was, I just couldn't image the woman responsible for having me in her tummy for 9 month's was such a mean bitch.
After I got off the phone with her, I drove over to my dad's house, and went into his office in tears and said "I have something to tell you" he could see the emotions I had ready to pour out... "I said I talked to Jean", and he said "Oh my God, Sarah I am so sorry!"
Yes he always warned about her but, I felt the need to find out on my own. So, we talked and I felt much better. I think this is the reason it has taken me so long to want children of my own. I would NEVER in a million year's abandon my own flesh and blood. I called her a few more times after that, one time I had my best friend on the other line, just so I could get someone else's opinion on her. And, she said the same thing... "I am so sorry Sarah, but she really doesn't care about you."
She asked me for pictures, and she wanted to come to Florida to meet me. I never did sent her a picture, I didn't want her to see me. I figured why should I send her pictures when she had 21 years to reach out herself. And, the Florida trip... I figured she just wanted a vacation.
So, after those few conversations, I got what I wanted. I got to know am nothing like her. And, that SHE missed out.
And, I forgive her. Because I was raised by one parent that loved me unconditionally and was there for me to this day for anything. If she had been in my life,or raised me, I could have turned out like her a cold hearted bitch.
So, thank you egg donor lady that popped me out.